The End Is Near!

Soooo, I haven't posted anything relevant in what seems like years. I got a divorce, my 9 year old daughter and I moved in with my mother and her beau. I started my lucrative job as a daycare teacher, met an awesome guy and began my college experience, all at the age of 33. Fun times. Please forgive any punctuation mistakes because English 1301 made me cry and I just don't care. Finals are all up in my nether regions and I would like to express how much I despise learning dumb shit. Math sucks. English sucks. History sucks. Biology sucks. Government sucks. Psychology was pretty cool. Did I mention MATH SUCKS?

On May 10th at approximately 5pm I will have completed my first year of higher education. This will be a cause for great celebration. I am on the fence in deciding whether I will take any summer courses. My sensible side says YES. My lazy ass, very much over textbooks and idiotic professors say TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. I work a full time job, and have a kid. My mental capacity (and desire for beer thirty to be ASAP) can only handle so much.
Let it be known that my kid will be away for most of the summer, with her father or visiting relatives in sunny California AND I may have a work schedule that puts me waking up at 10 am instead of 5 am. HALALULA!! (I know I spelled that wrong, but it's the way my little spoiled brat-angel face says it)

A new friend of mine says start off short and sweet. So I should end it here.

If anyone knows of any daycare related blogs please link me to them... I'm not sure what I will be getting into with this. It will require serious aninimity? no. anonumusness? no. Uhhh... my spell check sucks. Anonymity. Thanks Nick :)

coffeypot: Helpful Hints - From A Straight Guy

coffeypot: Helpful Hints - From A Straight Guy

I Was Molested

We decided in court that I was to be at his house to pick up my belongings. It didn't work out that way because of course I woke up late so I called him and asked if I could just drop Savannah off and then come back after work and get the stuff. I only work 2 hours on Saturdays. He said that was fine. By the time I pulled up to his house I had one of those headaches. I don't know what's going on there. I had eaten lunch at work so maybe my wisdom teeth were kicking my ass for being disturbed. The last time I was at his house I had one too. Maybe its just the fact I knew I had to go there.

Well this headache was so bad that i had to sit in my car for about 15 minutes before I could even walk. Jimmy came to the window concerned and I told him what was going on and to just give me a minute. I finally got out and sat down with everyone on the front porch. The headache was slightly improved but still strong. I talked with my step son and daughter about school and what not. Jimmy and I had casual conversation as well. After about 30 minutes I felt like I could stand up with out passing out so I got up and went into the garage where most of my stuff was. Jimmy followed me and we started going through boxes together. The boxes I was taking were stacked and I was starting to go into the house.

As I was opening the door he comes up behind me and embraces me in a very sexual manner and is grabbing my boobs and ass. I tell him STOP and try to wrench away. I don't want to yell or anything because the kids are there. I eventually get him off of me and go inside to get the the stuff from in there. I notice he got a new comforter, 'bed in a bag' type thing so I ask if I can have the other one. He says "Only if we get to use it one more time." I just roll my eyes and go back outside to start putting things in my car. On one of the trips he stops me and says just let me kiss you one more time. I of course say no. If you want to remain friends thats fine but FRIENDS means FRIENDS. Nothing more.

I tell all the kids bye and that I love them and they can call me anytime. Jimmy follows me to my car and when I sit down and buckle up he reaches down and grabs me "Just give me one kiss, I love you I need you, take all the time you need." Blah blah blah. He physically pins my arms and turns my face to kiss me. I just start crying and tell him to get the hell off me. When he backs off I turn and see April on the front porch watching the whole thing.
I shut and lock my door, gather myself and drive off.

I realize I probably could have had him put in jail for that. But I think of the step kids. I am tearing up right now because I know he is finally seeing what he is loosing. It's too little too late. I fell out of love with him the first time he called me a useless piece of shit. And that was years ago.

What a Sweeeet Heaaaart! *Posted elsewhere September 4th 2009

To: Le BITCH Prewitt


This is what my future ex husband has programmed in his blackberry. He sends me emails trying to be nice. Do you think he knows I can see it? LOL

Court Day *Posted elsewhere September 3rd 2009

Well all the anxiety I had about "The big day" was for nothing. Thank You Sweet Baby Jesus!

My lawyer called about 9 am so we could get on the 'same page'. She obviously noticed my anxiety level. I told her I had never even driven in Downtown Dallas, much less knew where to park or what door to go into etc. So she asks me "Where are you now?" Turns out her house is like 5, minutes from where I work so she told me just to meet her there and she would drive and we could talk more on the way. BIG blessing. Thank you God!!

We get there and she starts explaining to me how things are going to work. We are first on the docket. In a lull in conversation I tell her I'm going to go find the ladies room before all this gets started. On the way back down the hall I spot him and he looks so confused. "Which room are we supposed to be in?" he asks me. I lead the way.

My future ex, we will call him Jimmy, because that is his name, lol, showed up without a lawyer. This could be considered good or bad. Good, because Me, my lawyer and Jimmy sat down to mediate.( In case you don't know, that's just coming to agreements without having to go to trail) He didn't want to fight me on anything. Custody mine? Ok. Pay child support? Fine. Let me get the rest of my stuff from his house? Sure. Split the accumulated medical bills on our daughter? I guess. Except...

Good parts...

Right before I left he and his dad decided to put my car in the shop to get the transmission fixed. I had no part in that but I was thankful. Jimmy's dad paid for the new transmission. That was about $900. So he brings that up. "I still owe my dad for the transmission repair." I come back with "I still owe my boss about $900 to pay the damn thing off because you were going to let it go back and leave me car less." Equals us even, right?

He also brought up the stupid iPod, and actually said to my lawyer, "I have given her everything she wants. That is the only thing she has that I want. " I say "I will give you the iPod if you replace my phone you threw at me and broke." He says he can't afford it. Well debt paid off then right? I buy my own new phone and keep the Ipod as repayment. Makes sense right? He says ok in the end.

Bad part...

He doesn't owe $5000 in attorney fees. It's like he walked in there without a lawyer but got to use mine for free! That kinda ticks me off. I wonder if I can make him pay half the court costs even thought I started this whole thing.

3 more months of anxiety. yay me. I never know when he will snap.


An aside for those who are following. I didn't get a that bad of a headache/migraine yesterday when I took my anti anxiety/depression meds at lunchtime. I'm going to try taking it tonight at bed time. Wish me luck.

Love to all for reading , and don't forget to leave a comment. Your input keeps me going :) Love Leslie

Big News *Posted elsewhere September 2nd 2009

I am, well I was listening to Kidd Kraddick on uStream until he started talking about the girl that was abducted. I can not listen to that stuff. It makes me so sad I can hardly function. People in the chat room are saying stuff like "If anyone did something to my kids I would be going to jail. Not Them. I can go along with this to a certain extent. It would absolutely kill me if something like that happened to my daughters. I had encounters as a child and I don't really know if it has affected me. I'm sure it has but how would I know different? Know what I mean?

The girls in the office keep talking about it too. I have to get up and leave the room. Why are these things such Big News? I know we have to be aware and all that, but Sweet Baby Jesus do we have to continue talking about it everyday? When I hear these stories my heart breaks. I get physically sick with agony for what the children went through at the time of the abduction and all of the horrific things that get done to them. What are those poor innocent babies thinking? How can God let a child get raped, molested, arms cut off, etc. ??? How can a person be so full of evil that they can perform those acts? I just can't deal with it. Dear God I hope I never have to. Amen

On a different note - The meeting with the future ex did NOT go well. I had a huge headache from my teeth when I left work so I wasn't in the best mood to start with. I didn't say much. I just watched him load stuff in and when I realized I had enough room to the the holiday decorations I had him open the garage so I could get my stuff. He asked If I was going to let him keep any of the decorations and I said "No, I saved the money, I bought them, I did the decorating." I tried to grab a box and he asked me why I was being such a bitch to him. I asked him why he was a bitch to me for the last 10 years. He took the box and told me I wasn't taking anything until I gave him back his daughters iPod.

Al-righty now, the iPod in question was originally bought for his daughter, my step daughter, 2 years ago for Christmas. She/we tried to set it up but the computer wasn't working or she didn't have an iTunes card or something. I'm in her room one day and notice it under her bed so I get pissed and take it away. Tell her if she treats her expensive gifts like this she isn't responsible enough to own them. Her dad agreed with me. A few months down the line I'm at work and I set it up and add some songs. For 2 years I have had this iPod which everyone in the house has recognized as mine.

He starts scream at me and I don't even remember what, but most of it was the iPod and "You better not have forged my name on the title to that car". Saying stuff like, "I have given you everything you wanted , why are you being so hateful?" WTF does he expect? A kiss and a hug. I just give up on the decorations and go to leave. He gets in the way of the door so I cant shut it. I lay on the horn so anyone around might see or hear and he backs off. I hurry up and lock the doors and try to calm down. It takes a minute because I am freaking out scared at this point. He was still yelling at me as I drove off. Now I am freaking out with anxiety about what's going to happen in court tomorrow.

About to take my anti anxiety/anti depressant. Lets hope that isn't what gave me that kick ass migraine yesterday.

Divorce * Posted elsewhere September 1st 2009

Since I'm not going to have a husband any more to tell me not to, I am going to try to get back into blogging. I was over at MySpace and have some blogs over there that I will transfer so yall can get to know me a little better. I'm sitting at work right now counting graduation announcements and their envelopes into packages of 25. Busy season is over for now so we do these types of things to stay busy during off season. I will be changing year dates on tassels and other minotunus <--- can't spell that or even get close enough for my spellcheck to recognize it'> type stuff for the next few months. I'm not going to try to be funny or witty, just me.

I filed for divorce at the beginning of the month. I tried for 10 years to make this man love me unconditionally and he never learned how. Of course every time I left him before he wooed me back with promises of change. It's no different this time on his part but it is on mine. I'm done. He has emotionally and physically drained me. I can't let my daughter grow up thinking its ok for a man to treat a woman the way her father treated her mother. Hopefully the damage isn't already done.

The first court date is Sept. 3rd. He says he's not going to fight me and that he hasn't even gotten a lawyer. His mother was just conveniently visiting from California so she probably gave him the funds to get one. I don't know what to believe. I filed a restraining order with the divorce lawsuit and got our 8 year old daughter 'kidnap' style. He was trying to hide her from me. I was like a gift from God the way I was able to get her. Like it was meant to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to keep her from her father. I've already let her stay a couple of weekends with him. It was me he mistreated, not her.

We are staying at my mothers and I have her enrolled in school and daycare. It is unlikely a judge will take her from me but whatever happens I will just have to know is Gods plan. I am not an extremely religious person but believe God is here helping any one who asks. I love my job www.graduationplace.com if you care to know. The drive to work now is about an hour and that is putting a big strain on me. I hate driving. Change that. I have a phobia of getting lost. I bought a Garmin GPS and that little baby there was also a gift from God.

After work today I have to go to his house and get some more of my belongings. That's going to be tough. I have been pretty tough lately though.

I'm starting an anti anxiety/ anti depressant today. I didn't want to but I think I need to. We will see how that goes together I guess. If any body even reads this. It will probably just be a personal diary. Thats fine too. I've had a non stop headache for a few weeks now. My dentist gave me a muscle relaxer and said I needed to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Great. Saving up money for that.

I'm already in debt to my mother and my boss. I have thousands of dollars of medical debt due to crappy insurance coverage. I keep playing the lottery though, lol.

I'm not always this depressing. Sometimes I have really great and positive days. I know each day is the first day of the rest of my life and I am going to make it the best it can be. I've spent the last 10 years living someone else's life so I really have no idea who I am anymore. It's going to be really exciting to find out. I get to make friends for once and thats not going to be easy. I'm kind of shy and insecure. But hopefully that will change soon.

I am super excited about dating and getting that 'butterflies in your stomach' feeling about someone new. I hope I don't get too disappointed but I am going to be very picky this time around.

If you want to know anything about me, I am an open book. All you have to do is ask. Have a great day! I'm sure going to try to.