Sunday, September 6, 2009

Divorce * Posted elsewhere September 1st 2009

Since I'm not going to have a husband any more to tell me not to, I am going to try to get back into blogging. I was over at MySpace and have some blogs over there that I will transfer so yall can get to know me a little better. I'm sitting at work right now counting graduation announcements and their envelopes into packages of 25. Busy season is over for now so we do these types of things to stay busy during off season. I will be changing year dates on tassels and other minotunus <--- can't spell that or even get close enough for my spellcheck to recognize it'> type stuff for the next few months. I'm not going to try to be funny or witty, just me.

I filed for divorce at the beginning of the month. I tried for 10 years to make this man love me unconditionally and he never learned how. Of course every time I left him before he wooed me back with promises of change. It's no different this time on his part but it is on mine. I'm done. He has emotionally and physically drained me. I can't let my daughter grow up thinking its ok for a man to treat a woman the way her father treated her mother. Hopefully the damage isn't already done.

The first court date is Sept. 3rd. He says he's not going to fight me and that he hasn't even gotten a lawyer. His mother was just conveniently visiting from California so she probably gave him the funds to get one. I don't know what to believe. I filed a restraining order with the divorce lawsuit and got our 8 year old daughter 'kidnap' style. He was trying to hide her from me. I was like a gift from God the way I was able to get her. Like it was meant to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to keep her from her father. I've already let her stay a couple of weekends with him. It was me he mistreated, not her.

We are staying at my mothers and I have her enrolled in school and daycare. It is unlikely a judge will take her from me but whatever happens I will just have to know is Gods plan. I am not an extremely religious person but believe God is here helping any one who asks. I love my job if you care to know. The drive to work now is about an hour and that is putting a big strain on me. I hate driving. Change that. I have a phobia of getting lost. I bought a Garmin GPS and that little baby there was also a gift from God.

After work today I have to go to his house and get some more of my belongings. That's going to be tough. I have been pretty tough lately though.

I'm starting an anti anxiety/ anti depressant today. I didn't want to but I think I need to. We will see how that goes together I guess. If any body even reads this. It will probably just be a personal diary. Thats fine too. I've had a non stop headache for a few weeks now. My dentist gave me a muscle relaxer and said I needed to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Great. Saving up money for that.

I'm already in debt to my mother and my boss. I have thousands of dollars of medical debt due to crappy insurance coverage. I keep playing the lottery though, lol.

I'm not always this depressing. Sometimes I have really great and positive days. I know each day is the first day of the rest of my life and I am going to make it the best it can be. I've spent the last 10 years living someone else's life so I really have no idea who I am anymore. It's going to be really exciting to find out. I get to make friends for once and thats not going to be easy. I'm kind of shy and insecure. But hopefully that will change soon.

I am super excited about dating and getting that 'butterflies in your stomach' feeling about someone new. I hope I don't get too disappointed but I am going to be very picky this time around.

If you want to know anything about me, I am an open book. All you have to do is ask. Have a great day! I'm sure going to try to.


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