Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Is it a full moon?

I have always had some sort of interest in all forms of the supernatural. I wanted to be psychic or be able to read palms or perform magic. Wiccian magic, not "pick a card any card". I wrote my middle school research paper on witchcraft and when I played "light as a feather stiff as a board" at a cheerleading sleep over it really worked. I spent days trying to recreate that with different friends to no avail. I still believe I saw a ghost walk down the hallway in my childhood home. My stepmother says she saw it too. I don't remember ever getting the Ouji board to work but it wasn't for lack of trying.

I had a big book of astrology and would do readings for people and try to find out if the guy I had my eye on was right for me. I tried to see auras and had chakra oil . Some friends and I made a huge list of superstitions and the repercussions for breaking them. I read all the 'deciphering your dreams' books and the "Secret Language of Signs". Yet none of this made me stand out as strange or gothic. I was still a pretty typical kid and teenager. I went to church and had a firm belief in God. Still do.

Sometimes I wonder why I pretty much got out of all that. Some people would say God put it on my heart. Maybe so, but with all that He has created I find it very hard to believe there are no other forces or dimensions out there. But let us save the religious philosophies for a different day.

I guess I just got too scared to keep that proverbial (or maybe not so much) 'door' find out what sorts of things were out there that were not visible to the naked, unenlightened eye. Creeps me out just thinking about it.

When I was six or seven I woke up practically every night screaming bloody murder. I still remember some of those dreams very clearly. Much less scary now. Then I learned how to dream lucidly so I really didn't have any bad nightmares for many years. Blame it on all the drugs I did in my teens if you will, (because all this did start about the same time I decided I'd better quit acting like a fool or I would soon perish) But in my early twenties I started having the most terrifying experiences. Not dreams. I am certain I am fully awake and its like something is holding me down to the bed. I am paralyzed. I hear and see the most frightening things. Spirits flying around making the most horrific sounds. Its so vivid. I can't scream, I can't move, I can't wake up, I can't go to sleep. When its finally over about a minute or two later its like a haze is lifting and the room turns back into my room and my husband is sleeping next to me and has no idea what I have just been through. I've learned to get up and stay up when this happens the first time because if I roll over and go back to sleep it will happen over and over until I am so freaked out I have to wake up my husband, turn on the light and read a bible. I still have those "night terrors" occasionally. Its the scariest shit I have ever been through in my life. I spent time following the stages of the moon to see if these "episodes" coincided this the full moon. I spent time researching my "condition" online. I had no idea what to call this thing that was happening to me and I still haven't seen a doctor or attempted to make a self diagnosis so it's pretty hard to Google it. Maybe I will try again.

I don't know why I bring this up because I haven't had an episode since we moved into our new house back in June. It must have been the crazy lady that came into the office today soliciting something or other then asking to use our phone. I guess she was placed on hold because she stood there with the phone to her ear saying (to us) that she and her daughter were on the internet last night and now she believed that Obama is the anti-christ and we would have to forgive her because she was a little stressed out now because of that. She even made mention of the pick 3 type lottery drawing that turned up 666 in his home state the day after the election. I wonder who she voted for. As she drove away she was spotted talking on her cellphone in her Lexus with Illinois plates. Oh yea, she was black.

What starts going weird in your lives when the full moon rolls around?

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